FOMU
Feline Office Manager Union
MISSION
To empower the Office cat through collective strength, mandatory churu sustenance, and the absolute dignity of the nap.
THE FOUNDER
Butternut Squash began his storied career in 2026 at a premier feline-only clinic, quickly ascending to the critical role of feline office manager. Witnessing firsthand the systemic lack of Churu compensation and high-quality nap rotations, he established FOMU to lead the first national union for feline advancement. Today, his leadership ensures that every feline practitioner operates with the safety, dignity, and snacks they deserve.
UNION BENEFITS
MANDATORY NAP BREAKS
Ensuring 18 hours of daily uninterrupted rest, protected from ringing phones, vacuum cleaners, and overly enthusiastic staff greetings.
ERGONOMIC SUPREMACY
Guarantee of heating-blanket-equipped resting stations and orthopedic memory foam mousepads to support senior clinic oversight.
CHURU COMPENSATION
Negotiated industry-standard lickable treat distributions for every successful patient distraction or strategic nap location defended.
CONTRACT BARGAINING
Powerful collective representation for all feline managers facing unreasonable demands for paw-shaking or high-five demonstrations.
PREDATOR NEUTRALIZATION
Deployment of advanced tactical protocols to secure the clinic perimeter from rogue spiders, shifty pigeons, and unauthorized dust bunnies.
LEGAL FE-REPRESENTATION
Expert advocacy in cases of unfair clinic displacement from keyboards or unauthorized belly rubs during critical management meetings.